Bullies often see violence, or forms of verbal abuse in the home. They may feel that communicating in this was is perfectly normal. They are simply acting out anger and frustration in the same way other members of their family do. Teaching the child ways to communicate these feelings without bullying will go al long way to ending the cycle.

Bullies sometimes act out of fear. They are trying not to show their own inabilities. They do not want other children to become more popular, or to do better them. They try to make the other child feel self conscious, humiliated or embarrassed. By devaluating others they hope to show their own self worth in these eyes of their peers. Bullies often are popular children who believe that they have to maintain their status by lowering others.

Children sometimes bully others who are different from themselves. The bully may target children who may have different religious beliefs, or a different culture. Some of these beliefs may come from the home, and some of just of fear or lack of understanding about something that this different or alien.

Some children become bullies because they want attention. They find that any attention is better than none. They like the feeling of being in control and of having power over others. Some children do not even realise how much their behaviour is affecting others. They may see it is being cool. These children need to learn how to sympathise with others.

When dealing with any kind of bully it is very important to get to the root of the bullies behaviour. Their behaviour often continues into adulthood, if it is not addressed. Children who become bullies are more likely to get into crime, do drugs, or become alcoholics. If children are given the correct tools they can overcome their problems and stop bulling others.

First, teach your child what is bullying, in all its forms. Bullying is not just physical, it can be emotional or verbal. Let them know that it is not normal behaviour and that nobody has the right to treat them in that fashion. Let them know that it is alright to tell somebody about the situation.

Children often target people who are different. If your child is smaller or heavier, wear glasses or braces they may become targets. Children who have learning problems or suffer from a handicap often become victims. Children can almost always find something to tease or taunt another child about. Popular confident children may pose a threat to other children. There is no “all safe” way to avoid a bully.

Make sure that your child does not bring expensive items to school, or carry large amounts of money. Make sure that they do not brag or discuss owning expensive items, like games or ipods. Tell them to stay with friends in the playground and practice the buddy system. They should try to avoid being caught alone at school or on the playground.

Teach them to walk in a confident brisk fashion. Children who slump or try to hide often create an image of being weaker. Tell them to stand up straight and walk with a purpose. Use eye contact with other children, and speak clearly to others and do not mumble.

Children who have difficulties making friends will often become the target of bullies. Help to get your child involved in activities outside of school where they can make friends. Arrange play dates for your child to spend time with friends. This will give them more opportunities to practice social skills outside of school.

Getting your child involved in martial arts or self defence classes that deal with confidence building will go a long way.

Children who have been a bully in the past may become the targets of retaliation. If your child has victimised a child they might become the victim of friends or siblings of the victim. Often when children try to help or support a friend who has been bullied they take things too far. They then turn the abuser into the abused.

Keep an eye on your child and look for signs that they are being bullied. A reluctance to go to school or participate in activities that they normally enjoy, may be signs that your child is falling victim to a bully. Watch to see if your child becomes withdrawn, or depressed. It is important to stop bully as soon as possible, and by knowing the signs of bullying and recognising potentially dangerous behaviour will go a long way to breaking the bullying cycle.

Take the problem seriously, do not brush it off as simple ‘kids being kids’. Do not try to down play the situation as something that will just go away. And do not over react. Some parents will go to the other extreme and actually escalate the problem.

The first thing to do is to sit your child down and talk to them. Tell them that you are proud that they came forward and had the courage to tell you about the situation. Make sure that they understand that it is not their fault. They are not the ones that have the problem. Many children feel that they are somehow responsible in some way for being the victim. They feel that they have somehow provoked the attack or are not good enough in some way. Reassure your child that they worthy and special, and they are in no way to blame.Find out as much as you can about the situation. How long has it been going on? Where does it happen? How many children are involved? How often does it happen, what are the actual messages?

Find out what your child has done if anything to try and get the problem stopped. Did anyone see the incident? Try and assess how dangerous the situation is. Is your child in real physical danger? Write these things down.

Once you have as much information about the situation as you can get, you and your child can figure out the best way to handle the bully.

Verbal Skills: Teach your how to use humour to confront the bully. Exchanging insults will usually not end the situation and will often cause it to escalate. Talk directly to the bully. Make eye contact and use a clear voice. If you need to have your child practice in front of a mirror.

Positive Attitude and Manner: Bullies often target the children who look and act meek. Teach your child to walk with a confident stride, head up and shoulders back. Show them how body language sends a message to others. Standing off to the side with arms folded creates the impression of fear and insecurity. Show them how to create a confident attitude by standing with arms at their sides and their head up.

Talk to Teachers: Bring in a copy of your written information. Having documented incidents is a far better approach than simply trying to remember details. It also tells the teacher how seriously you are taking the situation.

Friends: Tell your child to stick with a buddy. Don’t get into isolated situations. Stay in crowded areas, on the streets and on the playground.

Also be sure that your child knows the things that they should not do. Retaliation is never acceptable, telling your child to stand up and hit the bully back is only helping to continue the cycle. And in some cases your child may become the one who is the bully.

Also make sure that your child knows that walking or running away if there is a real fear of physical harm is the right thing to do. And to go directly to an adult.

Approaching the other child’s parents may or may not have the desired effect. Many parents of bullies will deny, or downplay the situation. If the situation is serious enough you my want to have a meeting with the other parents at the school.

Remember bullying is not “just children playing” it can have very damaging long term effects to both the bully and the victim. Take action as soon as possible and stop the cycle.

Children who are bullies have very little empathy for other people. They tend to be short tempered and are easily aggravated and impulsive. They often tend to be sore losers and bad winners. They are controlling and aggressive. Children who bully tend to get into fights frequently with their siblings and with other children.

Watch how your child interacts with others. Do they exclude certain children from playing? Do they always have to be in control and be the leader? Are they aggressive towards others? Does the play involve hitting or physical contact?

Children who are bullies do not respond well to rules and discipline. Talk to your child’s teachers and find out how they are behaving at school. Does your child have a lot of friends? How do they interact? Your child may not be the bully but may be a part of a group that is bullying others. As a way of fitting in with a peer group your child may be behaving out of character.

Joking between friends is fine but should only go so far. If one child is constantly being singled out this is bullying. If the jokes are hurtful or discriminating the behaviour should be stopped. If the jokes are intended to humiliate or embarrass the other child it is bullying. If the other child is not responding in a joking laughing manner but seems to be fearful or timid it could be bullying.

Spreading rumours or gossiping about other children in a hurtful way is a form of bullying. Emotional bullying can have very damaging effects. Sending cruel or hurtful e-mails or text messages is another form of bullying. Children use these methods to intimidate and humiliate others. Making fun of another child when they are not present and are unable to defend themselves could be bullying.

If you suspect that your child is bullying in any way, your best possible course of action is talking with your child about correct behaviour. Your child may not think they are a bully and they might not realise the hurt that are causing others. It is important for them to realise that these behaviours are hurtful to everyone and are not tolerated.

What do you do now?

First, stay clam. Your first reaction may be to either dismiss or deny the situation, or to punish the child. Take a step back and listen to what the other person is telling you. Get as many details as you can about the situation. Do not dismiss the situation, take it seriously. Remember that bullies can be just as hurt by their actions as their victims. The goal here is to help your child.

Talk with your child about the situation and listen to your child. There are many reason why children bully others. It is up to you to find out what is causing this behaviour in your child and to give them the tools needed to develop better and acceptable social skills.

Children who are bullies are often the victims of bullies themselves. They may have poor social skills or lack self confidence. Your child may not realise that their actions are mean and hurtful. They may be trying to fit in with a group or gain attention. They may be trying to protect a friend who is the victim of a bully. In order to deal with the issue you first have to understand it.

Talk with your child about how bullying affects others. Explain to them that bullying is not acceptable, any where or at any time. Teach them ways that are appropriate to deal with feelings of anger or frustration. Let them know that you are there to listen and help. Let them know that bullying will not be tolerated and tell them what the consequences of this behaviour are going to be, both at home, and at school.

Get your child involved in group activities that focus on cooperation and teamwork. Make sure that is a well supervised situation. Set up play dates where you can supervise the activities and promote sharing and good social skills.

Work with the school, teachers, and if necessary other parents. Talk with teachers and counsellors and take an active part in correcting your child’s problem. Get advice and help if you feel unable to handle the situation alone. Do follow ups to ensure that the behaviour has stopped. Ask teachers to keep you appraised of your child’s interactions with other children at school. And be sure that you reward and praise your child when they do the correct thing.

Often the first person to recognise that a bullying situation is occurring is a teacher. They see children playing and working together on a day to day basis. As a teacher it is important to deal with both the bully and the victim. There are strategies and methods that can be taught to both parties involved in the situation to ensure that the bullying action stops.

It is important to be able to get the victim of bullying to speak about the situation. This should never be done in the presence of other children not involved in the problem. Reassure them that bullying is not their fault and it is not acceptable. They are right in going to talk to an adult about the situation and that they are not betraying others by discussing the problem. They must know that bullying is never ok and it has to be stopped at all levels. Let them know that they are not alone, and that there are things that they can do to get the situation corrected and that their problem is being taken seriously.

The parents of both the victim and the bully should be made aware of the situation. It is important that all parents realise the gravity of the situation. It is not ok, and it is not acceptable and it is not just kids playing .Bully can have very serious permanent consequences and all parties should be made aware of this. It is a big deal.

Both the bully and the victim need to get information and skills to learn how to deal with the problem. Parents should also be given information on how to help their children deal with the problems which are causing the situation. Counselling for all parties involved is recommended.

Almost every teacher will have to face the act of bullying at some point in their career. It is important as a teacher to understand the more common reasons for bullying and to realise the very serious nature of the situation. No case of bullying should ever be ignored. It is not to be tolerated. One of the best ways to counter the problem is to get the parents of the children involved and to get the situation stopped as soon as it is noticed. Bullying does not just go away.