Take the problem seriously, do not brush it off as simple ‘kids being kids’. Do not try to down play the situation as something that will just go away. And do not over react. Some parents will go to the other extreme and actually escalate the problem.

The first thing to do is to sit your child down and talk to them. Tell them that you are proud that they came forward and had the courage to tell you about the situation. Make sure that they understand that it is not their fault. They are not the ones that have the problem. Many children feel that they are somehow responsible in some way for being the victim. They feel that they have somehow provoked the attack or are not good enough in some way. Reassure your child that they worthy and special, and they are in no way to blame.Find out as much as you can about the situation. How long has it been going on? Where does it happen? How many children are involved? How often does it happen, what are the actual messages?

Find out what your child has done if anything to try and get the problem stopped. Did anyone see the incident? Try and assess how dangerous the situation is. Is your child in real physical danger? Write these things down.

Once you have as much information about the situation as you can get, you and your child can figure out the best way to handle the bully.

Verbal Skills: Teach your how to use humour to confront the bully. Exchanging insults will usually not end the situation and will often cause it to escalate. Talk directly to the bully. Make eye contact and use a clear voice. If you need to have your child practice in front of a mirror.

Positive Attitude and Manner: Bullies often target the children who look and act meek. Teach your child to walk with a confident stride, head up and shoulders back. Show them how body language sends a message to others. Standing off to the side with arms folded creates the impression of fear and insecurity. Show them how to create a confident attitude by standing with arms at their sides and their head up.

Talk to Teachers: Bring in a copy of your written information. Having documented incidents is a far better approach than simply trying to remember details. It also tells the teacher how seriously you are taking the situation.

Friends: Tell your child to stick with a buddy. Don’t get into isolated situations. Stay in crowded areas, on the streets and on the playground.

Also be sure that your child knows the things that they should not do. Retaliation is never acceptable, telling your child to stand up and hit the bully back is only helping to continue the cycle. And in some cases your child may become the one who is the bully.

Also make sure that your child knows that walking or running away if there is a real fear of physical harm is the right thing to do. And to go directly to an adult.

Approaching the other child’s parents may or may not have the desired effect. Many parents of bullies will deny, or downplay the situation. If the situation is serious enough you my want to have a meeting with the other parents at the school.

Remember bullying is not “just children playing” it can have very damaging long term effects to both the bully and the victim. Take action as soon as possible and stop the cycle.

Children who are bullies have very little empathy for other people. They tend to be short tempered and are easily aggravated and impulsive. They often tend to be sore losers and bad winners. They are controlling and aggressive. Children who bully tend to get into fights frequently with their siblings and with other children.

Watch how your child interacts with others. Do they exclude certain children from playing? Do they always have to be in control and be the leader? Are they aggressive towards others? Does the play involve hitting or physical contact?

Children who are bullies do not respond well to rules and discipline. Talk to your child’s teachers and find out how they are behaving at school. Does your child have a lot of friends? How do they interact? Your child may not be the bully but may be a part of a group that is bullying others. As a way of fitting in with a peer group your child may be behaving out of character.

Joking between friends is fine but should only go so far. If one child is constantly being singled out this is bullying. If the jokes are hurtful or discriminating the behaviour should be stopped. If the jokes are intended to humiliate or embarrass the other child it is bullying. If the other child is not responding in a joking laughing manner but seems to be fearful or timid it could be bullying.

Spreading rumours or gossiping about other children in a hurtful way is a form of bullying. Emotional bullying can have very damaging effects. Sending cruel or hurtful e-mails or text messages is another form of bullying. Children use these methods to intimidate and humiliate others. Making fun of another child when they are not present and are unable to defend themselves could be bullying.

If you suspect that your child is bullying in any way, your best possible course of action is talking with your child about correct behaviour. Your child may not think they are a bully and they might not realise the hurt that are causing others. It is important for them to realise that these behaviours are hurtful to everyone and are not tolerated.

What do you do now?

First, stay clam. Your first reaction may be to either dismiss or deny the situation, or to punish the child. Take a step back and listen to what the other person is telling you. Get as many details as you can about the situation. Do not dismiss the situation, take it seriously. Remember that bullies can be just as hurt by their actions as their victims. The goal here is to help your child.

Talk with your child about the situation and listen to your child. There are many reason why children bully others. It is up to you to find out what is causing this behaviour in your child and to give them the tools needed to develop better and acceptable social skills.

Children who are bullies are often the victims of bullies themselves. They may have poor social skills or lack self confidence. Your child may not realise that their actions are mean and hurtful. They may be trying to fit in with a group or gain attention. They may be trying to protect a friend who is the victim of a bully. In order to deal with the issue you first have to understand it.

Talk with your child about how bullying affects others. Explain to them that bullying is not acceptable, any where or at any time. Teach them ways that are appropriate to deal with feelings of anger or frustration. Let them know that you are there to listen and help. Let them know that bullying will not be tolerated and tell them what the consequences of this behaviour are going to be, both at home, and at school.

Get your child involved in group activities that focus on cooperation and teamwork. Make sure that is a well supervised situation. Set up play dates where you can supervise the activities and promote sharing and good social skills.

Work with the school, teachers, and if necessary other parents. Talk with teachers and counsellors and take an active part in correcting your child’s problem. Get advice and help if you feel unable to handle the situation alone. Do follow ups to ensure that the behaviour has stopped. Ask teachers to keep you appraised of your child’s interactions with other children at school. And be sure that you reward and praise your child when they do the correct thing.